Michael Jackson wanted to “Just beat it, beat it…” I want the world to get back to faking it, just faking it. I have come to the belief that bluntness, harsh realities and partisan-opinionated tirades are leading us down a mannerless path of bleakness and despair.
With social media, it is so bloody easy to be an anonymous, windbag critic. Anyone can blog and be a so-called “expert.” Often, the tone is pissy and one-sided.
We have a President who speaks loudly, boldly and often with little regard for the facts, publicly shaming people without any regard for decency or manners.
I like transparency a lot and I admire Honest Abe and Little George Washington for owning up to his errant ways with his ax and the unlucky cherry tree. Integrity is important, and telling the truth is a very admirable trait.
We are fortunate to have the freedom to speak our mind in this country. The first amendment might be my favorite amendment.
With all of that said, I think there are times that it is best to shut the f*** up and listen, even if you disagree with what is being said. Nodding and saying, “hmm” can be beneficial and helpful in keeping things light and tolerant. The world doesn’t always need to hear your (or my) opinion.
Faking that you like your host’s meatloaf is an admirable thing to do, even though she added enough catsup to gag a dog.
Faking and lying are different in my book. When your significant other/honey bunny asks you if they look fat in these jeans, there is nothing helpful or advantageous about giving a 100-percent-accurate critique about the contour of their derriere and the fabric makeup of their britches. Faking it, on the other hand, and giving a thumbs up, makes all the sense in the world to me.
I recently saw a soup commercial on TV emphasizing much of what is wrong with our world these days. It goes something like this: a guy is on the couch sniffling, all bundled up in a blanket, clearly suffering from a cold. He says to his wife or girlfriend, “My mother use to make me warm and yummy soup when I was sick.” She answers, with Helen Reddy strength and defiance, “Well, then have your mom make you some!” as she parades out the door. I am all for women’s rights, and I get that the writer of the commercial was trying to yuck it up, but I didn’t laugh. It made me sad.
Is it unfeminist to care for a loved one these days? How would that ad play if we switched the gender roles and it was a dude walking out the door, telling his ailing sweetie to have her mother make her soup. Most of us would call that guy a self-centered dick. Who aspires to be a self-centered dick? From where I sit, way too many do, and, in fact, it has become in vogue.
When my wife is sick, or in need, and asks me to do something, I rarely feel like doing it and would much rather keep doing what I was doing. Because my mother, and to a lesser degree my father, gave me the manners and the tools to just fake it, I fake it. “Oh honey, let me get that for you” I say, with cheerfulness and glee. Well, maybe not with glee, but I fake it enough so I am not acting like a put-out jerk for getting her a cup of tea.
My hunch is that many of the people in Congress really don’t like those on the other side of the aisle. I understand they have different opinions and priorities. I have worked with people over the years who I wasn’t crazy about and some who drove me bonkers, but I came to realize that compromising and figuring out how to get along and work together (even faking it) often led to a better coexistence and positive solutions.
I fully realize there is an elephant in the room, so let me ask the elephant if he fakes it while having sex. They do. In fact, according to a study by scientists Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds, almost 80 percent of the women they asked in their study admitted to faking orgasms. The primary reason was to speed things up.
(For a write up of the study, visit maxim.com and search "why we make noise during sex.")
It turns out, “women were making conscious vocalizations in order to influence their partner rather than as a direct expression of sexual arousal,” Brewer said.
It was a tactic they used to induce their man to get it over with. In most cases, they were also trying to be nice. “Importantly, 92 percent of participants felt very strongly that these vocalizations boosted their partner’s self-esteem,” the paper stated, “and 87 percent reported using fake orgasms for this purpose...”
It is also important to note a Journal of Sex Research study shows that 28 percent of men admitted to having faked it. But we all know men lie about crap like this and most dudes wouldn’t have the cojones to admit they couldn’t reach the finish line, so, my hunch is it’s more like 50 percent.
I say, fake it. “You look great in those jeans!” “Oh, baby you are a stallion!” You get my point. If it makes someone feel better about themselves, or if it leads to civility and compromise, I don’t see the harm. Just fake it, fake it!
